London, September 2024 \u2014 In a small caf\u00e9 in East London, Adnan, a 34-year-old minicab driver, stirred his tea as he spoke quietly. \u201cWhen I first came to London, I had long shifts, 12\u201314 hours, just to cover rent. After some time, I felt heavy in my chest, no sleep, constant worry. A friend said, \u2018Don\u2019t say this to anyone, people will think you\u2019re weak.\u2019 So I kept quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Adnan\u2019s story is not unusual. Across London\u2019s Pakistani community, men speak openly about financial pressures, long work hours, and family responsibility. Yet when the conversation shifts to mental health, silence often falls.<\/p>\n
\u201cMen should be strong\u201d<\/p>\n
In many families, cultural expectations shape how men talk \u2014 or don\u2019t talk \u2014 about mental health. Zafar, who works at a grocery shop in Ilford, put it bluntly: \u201cIn our culture, a man provides. If you say you\u2019re depressed, people reply, \u2018Shukar karo, at least you have work.\u2019 No one asks what\u2019s happening inside.\u201d<\/p>\n
Others said even within families, the conversation is hard. Danish, a father of two, shared: \u201cI told my cousin I was feeling low; he laughed and said, \u2018You just need to sleep.\u2019 After that, I stopped saying anything. I don\u2019t want to be the topic of gossip.\u201d<\/p>\n
Everyday struggles<\/p>\n
Work pressure, isolation, and the burden of supporting relatives in both the UK and Pakistan are common threads. Qasim, who sends remittances to Faisalabad every month, explained: \u201cMy wages aren\u2019t high, but the expectation is there. Sometimes I borrow from friends to send money home. If I can\u2019t, I feel ashamed. That constant stress shows up in my health.\u201d<\/p>\n
For younger men, the pressures look different. Usman, a university student in Stratford, said: \u201cI see friends enjoying life, but I feel I can\u2019t relax. My parents sacrificed a lot for me to study. If I fail, it feels like I\u2019m failing everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Coping in silence<\/p>\n
Instead of seeking professional help, many cope quietly \u2014 sometimes in unhealthy ways. \u201cA lot of brothers just keep working, or sit at shisha cafes late to forget worries,\u201d said Aftab, who helps run a local community centre. \u201cVery few go to the GP and say, \u2018I\u2019m depressed.\u2019 They fear stigma.\u201d<\/p>\n
Several men said that even when they do speak to a doctor, language gets in the way. \u201cIn Urdu, we don\u2019t usually say \u2018anxiety\u2019 or \u2018depression,\u2019\u201d Danish noted. \u201cWe just say \u2018tension.\u2019 That makes it harder to explain.\u201d<\/p>\n
Small shifts<\/p>\n
Despite the stigma, change is starting. Mosques and community groups in parts of East and South London have launched men-only discussion circles. Maqsood, a volunteer, said: \u201cMen open up when they know they won\u2019t be judged. We sit, share stories, and slowly people talk. It\u2019s not therapy, but it helps.\u201d<\/p>\n
Younger men are also pushing for openness. Usman added: \u201cMy friends use words like anxiety and burnout now. It\u2019s new for our crowd, but it feels normal.\u201d<\/p>\n
The way forward<\/p>\n
People working on the issue say the solution needs cultural sensitivity and practical support. Aftab argued: \u201cCounsellors who speak Urdu or Punjabi help. But the bigger shift is mindset. Treat mental health like physical health \u2014 if you\u2019re unwell, you get help.\u201d<\/p>\n
For Adnan, simply sharing his story has been a relief. \u201cNow I tell a few friends when I feel low,\u201d he said. \u201cSilence makes it worse. Talking \u2014 even a little \u2014 makes the load lighter.\u201d<\/p>\n
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London, September 2024 \u2014 In a small caf\u00e9 in East London, Adnan, a 34-year-old minicab driver, stirred his tea as he spoke quietly. \u201cWhen I first came to London, I had long shifts, 12\u201314 hours, just to cover rent. After some time, I felt heavy in my chest, no sleep, constant worry. A friend said, …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56841","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sci-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56841","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56841"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56841\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56842,"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56841\/revisions\/56842"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56841"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56841"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tehqiqnama.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56841"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}