Bradford, July 2024 — In a quiet corner of Bradford, the rhythm of family life often revolves around one question: how best to care for the elderly. For the city’s large Pakistani community, where respect for elders is deeply rooted in tradition, the challenge of elderly care is becoming more complex.
Rising life expectancy, demanding work schedules, and limited space in multi-generational homes mean families are constantly navigating between cultural expectations and practical realities.
“We grew up being told our parents will live with us forever,” said Khalida, who works as a teaching assistant and looks after her 78-year-old mother. “But now, with my job, my children, and limited space, it’s not simple. Still, sending her to a care home doesn’t feel right. It feels like failing.”
Balancing Tradition with Modern Life
For many, the very idea of a care home is uncomfortable. “Our culture teaches us to serve our parents,” explained Imtiaz, a father of three who works in retail. “Back in Pakistan, the whole family system supports this. But here, with small houses and everyone working, it becomes hard. Still, if I even mention a care home, people in the family see it as shameful.”
This sentiment is widespread. According to community leaders, many Pakistani families in Bradford avoid discussing care homes openly, fearing judgment from relatives or neighbours. Yet, behind closed doors, the pressures are real.
The Emotional Toll
“I left my job when my father became bedridden,” said Sadia, a mother of two. “There was no other choice. The system here gives carers’ allowance, but it is not enough. It also affects my career, but what can I do? This is my duty.”
For Yasir, whose elderly uncle is in a care home, the emotions are mixed. “He gets good care there, the staff are kind, and the environment is safe. But every time I visit, I feel guilt. My cousins in Pakistan don’t understand. They ask, ‘How could you leave him there?’ They don’t see the whole picture.”
Community Initiatives
Some local organisations are trying to bridge the gap. At a community centre in Manningham, weekly sessions bring together carers — often women — to share experiences and advice. “We talk about everything: medication, loneliness, financial struggles,” said Razia, who attends regularly. “It helps to know others are in the same situation. Otherwise, you feel isolated.”
There are also efforts to provide culturally sensitive care homes. “It’s not just about halal food, it’s about language, prayer spaces, and familiar surroundings,” explained a volunteer at one such facility. “Families need reassurance that their loved ones will still feel connected to their culture.”
The Next Generation’s View
Younger voices see the issue differently. Zulfiqar, a university student whose grandmother lives with his family, said: “I respect my parents for looking after her, but I also see how hard it is. Sometimes I wonder if, when I’m older, I’ll be able to manage. Maybe for my generation, thinking about professional care will be less taboo.”
Still, many agree that the strength of family bonds remains the foundation. “Even if one day more of us use care homes, the love and responsibility won’t change,” said Sadia. “It’s about finding balance, not abandoning values.”
Looking Forward
For Bradford’s Pakistani community, the conversation about elderly care is slowly opening up. Families are beginning to acknowledge the challenges without feeling shame. Local leaders say this honesty is crucial.
As Khalida put it: “We need to stop judging each other. Whether someone cares for a parent at home or in a home, what matters is dignity, respect, and love. That is what our faith and culture both teach.”
برمنگھم کی طرح، بریڈفورڈ میں بھی پاکستانی کمیونٹی کو ایک اہم مسئلے کا سامنا ہے — بزرگ والدین اور رشتہ داروں کی دیکھ بھال کیسے کی جائے۔
خالدہ، جو ایک ٹیچنگ اسسٹنٹ ہیں اور اپنی بیمار والدہ کی دیکھ بھال کرتی ہیں، کہتی ہیں:
“ہم نے ہمیشہ سیکھا کہ والدین ہمارے ساتھ ہی رہیں گے۔ لیکن یہاں چھوٹے گھروں اور مصروف زندگی کے ساتھ یہ آسان نہیں۔ کیئر ہوم بھیجنا ہمیں ناکامی لگتا ہے۔”
اسی طرح امتیاز کا کہنا ہے:
“پاکستان میں خاندان کا پورا نظام مدد کرتا ہے، لیکن یہاں سب کام کرتے ہیں۔ کیئر ہوم کا ذکر کرنا بھی شرمندگی کا باعث سمجھا جاتا ہے۔”
سادیہ، جنہوں نے اپنے بیمار والد کی دیکھ بھال کے لیے ملازمت چھوڑ دی، بتاتی ہیں کہ یہ ذمہ داری ان کی زندگی اور کیریئر دونوں پر اثر ڈالتی ہے۔
دوسری طرف یاسر، جن کے چچا ایک کیئر ہوم میں رہتے ہیں، کہتے ہیں:
“وہاں اچھی دیکھ بھال ملتی ہے لیکن ہر دورے پر دل میں گناہ کا احساس ہوتا ہے۔ پاکستان میں رشتہ دار سمجھتے نہیں کہ یہاں حالات مختلف ہیں۔”
مقامی کمیونٹی سینٹرز اور ادارے خواتین کی مدد کے لیے سپورٹ گروپس اور کلچرل سینسیٹو کیئر ہومز قائم کرنے کی کوشش کر رہے ہیں جہاں حلال کھانا، نماز کی سہولت اور زبان کی آسانی میسر ہو۔
نوجوانوں کی رائے بھی بدل رہی ہے۔ عدیل، جو ایک طالب علم ہیں، کہتے ہیں:
“میں اپنی والدہ کو دادا دادی کی خدمت کرتے دیکھتا ہوں، لیکن یہ بہت مشکل بھی ہے۔ شاید ہماری نسل کے لیے پروفیشنل کیئر کم ممنوع سمجھی جائے گی۔”
بریڈفورڈ کی پاکستانی برادری میں یہ مکالمہ آہستہ آہستہ آگے بڑھ رہا ہے۔ جیسا کہ خالدہ نے کہا:
“فیصلہ چاہے کچھ بھی ہو، اصل چیز محبت، عزت اور وقار ہے۔ یہی ہماری ثقافت اور ایمان دونوں کا سبق ہے۔”
